Am I Being Clear?

When my daughter Annie was about 4 years old, she and her friend were out in our yard playing by the stacked pile of firewood. I had told them a few times not to play by the stacked wood because it was quite high and could easily topple.

I looked out again, and there they were, tempted by the allure of nooks and crannies for hiding treasures they found, like flowers and sticks.

I went out and firmly, with my best mom voice, said, "You may not play by the firewood. I told you this, and yet you still keep going over there. It isn't safe. Am I clear?"

No response.

"I asked you, 'Am I clear?'" I said, with a little more emphasis for good measure.

They both stood there frozen, with big eyes looking up at me. Annie's lip started quivering, and drops of water formed in her eyes.

"Why are you starting to cry?" I asked, as crying was out of character for her in a situation like this.

Annie finally spoke up, "Because we don't know what clear means."

This taught me a valuable lesson about making sure my language, terms, jargon, and metaphors match my audience.

A few weeks ago, I was working with a large group, and one participant wanted to offer his input about accountability on teams. What this person contributed had a lot of value and meaning to me. However, I was his contemporary, and we were both about 10-20 years older than everyone else in the room. The examples he chose were from his own life and experiences, including a book that I thought was quite good but was published over 30 years ago. So the rest of the group had no idea what key message the author's work represented.

I could see others in the room trying to follow what was being said, but they were stuck on the language and references that didn't make sense to them.

Being clear in communication is essential.

Especially when so many teams are cross-generational, and individuals come from varied cultures and bring differing experiences.

As you are speaking or sharing information, especially when using examples or analogies, be sure they match your audience. People disconnect and stop listening when they don't understand. In a group, many will assume they are the only ones who don't relate to or understand what is being referenced. And it takes a great deal of courage to ask for clarification, thereby risking looking less knowledgeable than everyone else in the room. So often, no one speaks up, the moment just continues on, and the point of the message gets lost.

I try to think about and carefully choose the words, references, and metaphors I use in my work communication. And sometimes I stumble. But I watch the body language and responses of those I'm speaking with, and when I catch myself using language that's familiar to me but not to others, I backtrack and explain. Often, I apologize too. And when someone asks for clarification, I thank them. This helps create a safe space for others to do the same.

When I work with people, the responsibility is on me to make sure the concepts I'm presenting are accessible to them.

If you are a leader or speaker, you carry the same responsibility. A big part of that is being clean and clear in the words, references, and examples I use, making sure they land and connect. If I'm not using language and references that are relevant and meaningful to everyone, I'm creating the same kind of disconnection I saw in that room that day.

And if you are the listener, hoping to learn from or understand someone's message, please be courageous, speak up and ask for clarification. It is how we all learn and grow.

If you are struggling with getting your message out or being understood, I can help. Book a time with me to learn more: https://bethwonson.com/beth