Here’s what we can do when we want to remain connected with someone but their venting is just wearing us down. Especially if the person chronically vents and never takes action to remedy the situation.

When we attempt to remain silent in situations like this, eventually our frustration and fear turns into anger and resentment, and comes out when we least expect, or want, it to. Some event or conversation is going to spark emotions to take over and you will react or respond in a way that you didn’t intend. Communication coaching teaches you new skills, so you can effectively speak up even in charged situations.

My top tip for getting people to speak up in meetings is to increase your skillfulness as a facilitator who builds an emotionally safe and trustworthy environment for engagement. There are 5 important components that assist team members to participate in group dialogue. 

I’ve been reflecting on my own experience with NCD and realized that for me, the process and the practice continues to unfold. And every single day, I learn something new about myself, my emotional regulation and self-management, and how I stumble at times when I communicate. Particularly with loved ones and people close to me. NCD is not a one-and-done training, but an on-going practice. With intention and integration, the practice becomes part of your character and how others see and experience you. 

Unspokens are your truths showing up as words, phrases, and fully formed thoughts but instead of speaking them aloud, you hold them in just keep thinking about them. Often, we hold onto them because we don’t want to upset or offend anyone, or we fear being vulnerable. However, when we withhold what we’re thinking, it festers. And within that festering, people experience emotional hotspots. 

Many people rise to leadership based on their ability to do the work of the organization well. The downfall of many organizations can be attributed to those same people not developing skillfulness in strategic dialogue. By teaching strategic dialogue skills, you are building an organization that will navigate change effectively, deal with challenges and adversity thoughtfully, and innovate in ways that support the mission. 

I’m going to say something very bold here. We’ve been communicating all wrong. It’s time for a full blown revolution. 12 years ago I had to transform my communication in order to be a better leader and regain the trust of my team. And even though teaching communication skills is fundamental to what I do, I can’t be on auto-pilot. Now I practice these steps everyday.

​When you are preparing to have a challenging dialogue, it is critical that you are crystal clear on what outcome you desire. Not just for yourself but for the other party as well. When you take the time to identify the reward or desired outcome for each party, you are able to express that at the onset. Expressing this in a clear, clean, and nonemotional way helps to keep the conversation focused and less personal.

So often we are hooked into the myth that in order to successfully manage people you must know all the answers. The truth is, you just need to be able to ask great curious questions.

When you communicate digitally does what you say match what you mean? Even though we think we’re crystal clear, the truth is we are frequently falling short. Overcoming these common challenges isn’t hard. I have a few simple steps that you can put into action immediately!

Even in healthy conflict, if what you want to express is left unsaid because you’re not comfortable saying it, it simmers and eventually boils over. The outcome can be far worse than if it had been discussed immediately. And over time, those simmering, suppressed thoughts can be misdirected and come out sideways as sarcasm, blaming, shaming, gossip, manipulation, avoidance, or other unproductive communication behaviors. And this is what turns a potentially healthy conflict into an unhealthy conflict.

We can no longer expect people to passively accept unskilled leadership. The NCD process is a way to develop leaders and managers who are effective because they understand how and why to communicate and collaborate. They understand the value of empowering their staff, and managing their own emotions.

Why unanswerable questions are so challenging for managers of people and businesses, and the solution for answering those questions.

Giving employees an opportunity to have their voice heard, especially when the dialogue is challenging, is critically important for retention. When employees feel heard, building a culture of trust is easier.

When employees feel they have no voice, they are more likely to say nothing, then resign or miss work. Both of these consequences have significant costs in terms of dollars, time and success.

Today I want to tell you about one of my absolute favorite sayings: Grace is in the space.

This isn’t just a catchy phrase to me. Grace is in the space is actually part of my operating system. It’s a tool, and it’s one of the mantras I use in my Navigating Challenging Dialogue trainings and events.

I learned a saying several years ago that prepared me for this journey. The introduction to the saying for me was Byron Katie, however I’m sure it has been attributed to many places. It goes like this:

There are three kinds of business in the world - my business, your business, and the Universe’s business. Whenever I’m anywhere other than in my business, I’m in the wrong place.

Here are six tips for exhausted humans to help you be more effective, particularly in the places where you’re considered the leader – whether that’s a formal title, a role you’ve taken on within family or friendships, or you may simply be the leader of your own life.

You may be pleased to find that all of these techniques ask you to do less – less managing, less acting, less engaging. When you begin to switch over to a place of ease, you will be amazed at how the entire energy shifts in your environment.

Is your organization doing well but struggling to find money to invest back in? I’d bet you’ve looked under every rock, cut every expense, and maybe held back on raises, bonuses, and new staff – and yet you still don’t have any Sticky Money.

Well, I’ll tell you: It’s in your labor and benefits line item BUT not in the way you may be thinking.

Listen in to learn about Sticky Money, the surprising way you’re wasting resources, and how we can help you plug those leaks and capture money to reinvest.

I had to fire a few people today, and it wasn’t pretty. I will miss them, but their banishment from the office was for the good of the whole. Their names, you ask? Somebody, Nobody and, occasionally, Anybody. The reasons for their immediate termination were quite clear…

Listen in or read on for the 5 reasons I gave that trio the boot, the trouble with the ‘Bodies, and what it means for your organization or team – or even your family – when those three are hanging around.

Whether in the workplace or at home, when people remain caught in the swirl of their unspoken stories – stories comprised of fear, angst, “what ifs,” and “they shoulds” – it creates a culture heavy with discord. But when people are trained and skillful in setting those emotional stories aside to speak their truth based on facts, there is a culture of harmony.

Read on or listen in for a case study about peeling away the emotions and getting at the facts, plus two simple ways to identify the truth.