A long-time friend of mine recently lost an incredibly tight race for an elected position she had held for a long time. Knowing her tenacity and intelligence, as well as her dedication and commitment to completing some long-term and somewhat controversial projects, I could only imagine her disappointment as the results came in.

And so I sent her a gently-worded message saying something to the effect of “Congratulations on your loss. Something new is coming.”

It is hard to focus when you are constantly getting pinged, binged, or tapped on the shoulder with someone who just needs a quick second. And not only is it hard to focus, but the research shows that you have a higher chance of making mistakes and experiencing more stress and exhaustion.

Do you find yourself getting frustrated by colleagues who should know the answer to a question (or at least be able to find it) but instead they holler across the room to you? Or perhaps you are the person who prefers to ask someone versus look something up yourself?

When I’m facilitating strategic planning sessions, I frequently experience the same level of irritation. When I’m coaching or working with someone whose first language is not English, I strive to be aware of the phrases I’m using. And no matter who the audience is, I want to be very aware of phrases that have negative origins or may be triggering.

Here are just some of my pet peeves (a phrase originating in 1919) and why they just don’t fit in business (or any) communication where you strive to inspire, motivate, build community, connection, and clarity (and avoid litigation)…

I was recently listening to someone share a hot button issue for them, a specific customer scenario that really got under her skin. As she described it, the tension in the room escalated. This person became so animated when describing the past situation that she became red faced with frustration. And because emotions spread like viruses, others in the room started getting tense.

Why do some situations get to us on such an emotional level that even describing the situation days, months, or even years later takes us right back to the same negative vibe, while other situations don’t?

I was invited by a client to walk with her as she processed feelings of great disappointment. Through out our conversation she was able to turn this experience around from “I was a fool to get excited” to “This experience helps me better understand where I want to go next with my work. I am grateful.” But the bigger and even more valuable lesson was that she gets to choose the pathway she walks when things turn out differently than she hoped.

As a coach, I am aware that there is a belief that self-discovery and growth is “women’s work.” But I’m seeing a shift. The last six clients who’ve come to me are men seeking to learn more about how they show up under stress and how it impacts their team and ultimately the achievement of their business goals. I’m so honored that these men decided to trust me to walk with them through this journey. I love how open they are to the idea that the quickest way to move the dial toward better business success is to take a look at what you can control, shift, and how you intentionally show up and lead.