​When you are anyone other than the person in ultimate control of an organization, there can be times that you find yourself feeling between a rock and a hard place. How do you proceed without letting your frustration become so apparent that you are labeled as resistant to change or negative? In my coaching and consulting work this comes up often.

Do you feel like every time you try to talk with an employee, they are defensive? Or maybe you are the employee who finds yourself being defensive. Or perhaps you are the supervisor who finds your attempts at giving feedback are met with defensiveness.

More and more, leaders who come to work with me are just burnt out. I can hear it in their voice and see it in their eyes. And nearly every time, when I delve into what is at the root of the burnout, they reveal that they are exhausted by solving problems for employees who can’t seem to proactively come up with answers to the same questions over and over again.

A common theme among managers is that there is a staff person who is not meeting expectations. This one person often takes up more real estate in the manager's head than any other employee. The manager tells me that they’ve had discussions with them about how they aren’t meeting expectations. Not specific conversations, just vague discussions.

Despite how many times they meet, the employee continues on the same trajectory of under-performance.

I used to have a very bad habit. I would apologize in advance for what I perceived to be my shortcomings or weaknesses. In fact, sometimes I still do. Luckily I have some great friends and colleagues who don’t hesitate to point it out to me. Why did I do it so often? I thought it was a way to protect myself in the event that my ideas had flaws.

I often have managers come to me saying things like:

“I have this person who reports to me but they don’t respect me. When I give feedback, they talk back to me. When I delegate they complain. And I don’t know what to do.”

When I hear these kinds of things, I always ask, “Were you promoted from within this team?”

A pattern I’ve been noticing is that some of my usually confident clients are reporting that their confidence is shaky these days. It’s no wonder. The pandemic has been a long-haul (darn, I’m sick of saying that). And it isn’t over yet. If you, like so many of my amazing clients, are feeling your confidence a bit shaken, try this.

A client came to our session with an inquiry about what he’s learning. The lesson he just completed focused on how involving employees in decision making can be empowering and lead to deeper engagement in the work. Had this manager continued with his thought process of empowering his staff to discuss deadlines that were already fixed, he’d be soon dealing with confusion, chaos, and even worse, a lack of trust.

When a culture of feedback exists, a team’s culture and morale will not be shaken by feedback. In fact, individual​s and the team as a whole, expect feedback. They view feedback as a tool to improve how they communicate and collaborate to make work more enjoyable, productive, innovative, and meaningful.

I'm seeing a new theme emerging in my coaching work. It aligns with what the media is referring to as the “Great Leaving” or “Great Resignation”. In fact, I just read that as of May 1, 2021, over 4 million Americans have quit their jobs. This is not great news for companies already scrambling to find qualified candidates. Let me tell you what I see in this shift.

Are you someone who people often bring their problems to? Do you find yourself spending a lot of time advising others on how to solve their problems? Do you find that with some of those people, no matter how many times you advise them or provide solutions, they show up again and again, stymied by the same challenge in a different situation?

The next time someone shows up seeking help, there is one thing you can ask that will propel them to gain deeper insight which leads to sustainable change.

Do you sometimes communicate something without being clear about what you want the other person to do with the information? And does that lack of clarity sometimes result in wasted time?

Here’s a question I get all the time now: “How can I keep my staff motivated and engaged when I’m exhausted myself? I can’t keep trying to fake it -- that’s even more exhausting. And if I talk about it, I’m afraid I’ll open a can of worms and it will turn into a whine-session.”

​When you are preparing to have a challenging dialogue, it is critical that you are crystal clear on what outcome you desire. Not just for yourself but for the other party as well. When you take the time to identify the reward or desired outcome for each party, you are able to express that at the onset. Expressing this in a clear, clean, and nonemotional way helps to keep the conversation focused and less personal.

Here’s the thing about building connections: it requires trust. And trust is developed through disclosure. Disclosure is your opportunity to model the behaviors you desire in others.

One of the least discussed aspects of leadership is what to do when you’re asked unanswerable questions. How can you answer with honesty and integrity while continuing to build trust and maintain employee or team engagement?

Successful managing-up relationships are nuanced and look different in every situation. There isn’t one specific formula or process that works. As I told my client, there is only one way to know if you’ve gone too far and that is based on feedback that you receive, both verbal and nonverbal.

So often we are hooked into the myth that in order to successfully manage people you must know all the answers. The truth is, you just need to be able to ask great curious questions.

When you communicate digitally does what you say match what you mean? Even though we think we’re crystal clear, the truth is we are frequently falling short. Overcoming these common challenges isn’t hard. I have a few simple steps that you can put into action immediately!

There is a pretty good chance that you and those you work with are experiencing some degree of languishing.

It is marked by behaviors like staying up too late binge watching tv or catching yourself playing games online midday, even though you know that these behaviors will impact your ability to hit your goals or the energy you need to deal with the pressures of work.