Often we believe that our communication is clear of emotion. But communication can be tricky. Even if you believe your words are emotionless, they may be experiencing an emotional charge based on the words you choose and the energy you project. And they may assume the emotion they are attaching to your words is exactly what you meant to convey. This is how each of us can leave a conversation with an entirely different belief of what happened. We may hear the same words, but we may feel different emotions.

We are in challenging times and most of us, from what I’ve heard, aren’t wanting to do more, even though we feel like we should. Everyone I’ve spoken to lately shares the same sentiment. Without question, the greatest journey that I have taken is a simple, free practice that gives me more time and vitality than anything else I’ve done. And it doesn’t cost a cent.

I’m going to say something very bold here. We’ve been communicating all wrong. It’s time for a full blown revolution. 12 years ago I had to transform my communication in order to be a better leader and regain the trust of my team. And even though teaching communication skills is fundamental to what I do, I can’t be on auto-pilot. Now I practice these steps everyday.

Imagine a world without feedback. I know we all have moments when we wish for less feedback. But a world with no feedback would leave me rudderless. It would be like leaving the harbor in a boat, moving forward, but not knowing if the forward movement was getting me closer to or further from my destination.

Do you find that learning about your unique strengths, motivations, habits of attention, and other patterns of thoughts is more intriguing than ever before? You’re not alone. In fact, it is actually the study of self, the investigation of what makes me tick, that helps build relationships that matter. Until you know yourself, you can’t know anyone else.

You are likely clearing up your to do list before the holiday break​, but there is likely one more task on your list: the pesky team kick-off or retreat for 2022. Here are some quick ideas to energize and focus your team in a meaningful way.

The pandemic changed us. Most humans no longer accept that their value is that of a commodity or a “human resource”, yet business owners, corporate entities, and unions, are still operating as if employees are a commodity.

​When I was just starting out in my own leadership career, there was one particular leader who I kept going to for approval. I was not able to get it no matter how hard I tried. There were several people in leadership roles who were supportive, gave me great feedback, took time to teach and mentor me, but that one person’s attention and approval were allusive to me.

Not every idea can be put in place, but every idea can be received and discussed. Most ideas can’t be implemented as they are presented, but the discussion of ideas leads to things that can make a difference, and it builds trust within the team.

​When you are anyone other than the person in ultimate control of an organization, there can be times that you find yourself feeling between a rock and a hard place. How do you proceed without letting your frustration become so apparent that you are labeled as resistant to change or negative? In my coaching and consulting work this comes up often.

Do you feel like every time you try to talk with an employee, they are defensive? Or maybe you are the employee who finds yourself being defensive. Or perhaps you are the supervisor who finds your attempts at giving feedback are met with defensiveness.

More and more, leaders who come to work with me are just burnt out. I can hear it in their voice and see it in their eyes. And nearly every time, when I delve into what is at the root of the burnout, they reveal that they are exhausted by solving problems for employees who can’t seem to proactively come up with answers to the same questions over and over again.

A common theme among managers is that there is a staff person who is not meeting expectations. This one person often takes up more real estate in the manager's head than any other employee. The manager tells me that they’ve had discussions with them about how they aren’t meeting expectations. Not specific conversations, just vague discussions.

Despite how many times they meet, the employee continues on the same trajectory of under-performance.

I used to have a very bad habit. I would apologize in advance for what I perceived to be my shortcomings or weaknesses. In fact, sometimes I still do. Luckily I have some great friends and colleagues who don’t hesitate to point it out to me. Why did I do it so often? I thought it was a way to protect myself in the event that my ideas had flaws.

I often have managers come to me saying things like:

“I have this person who reports to me but they don’t respect me. When I give feedback, they talk back to me. When I delegate they complain. And I don’t know what to do.”

When I hear these kinds of things, I always ask, “Were you promoted from within this team?”

A pattern I’ve been noticing is that some of my usually confident clients are reporting that their confidence is shaky these days. It’s no wonder. The pandemic has been a long-haul (darn, I’m sick of saying that). And it isn’t over yet. If you, like so many of my amazing clients, are feeling your confidence a bit shaken, try this.

A client came to our session with an inquiry about what he’s learning. The lesson he just completed focused on how involving employees in decision making can be empowering and lead to deeper engagement in the work. Had this manager continued with his thought process of empowering his staff to discuss deadlines that were already fixed, he’d be soon dealing with confusion, chaos, and even worse, a lack of trust.

When a culture of feedback exists, a team’s culture and morale will not be shaken by feedback. In fact, individual​s and the team as a whole, expect feedback. They view feedback as a tool to improve how they communicate and collaborate to make work more enjoyable, productive, innovative, and meaningful.

I'm seeing a new theme emerging in my coaching work. It aligns with what the media is referring to as the “Great Leaving” or “Great Resignation”. In fact, I just read that as of May 1, 2021, over 4 million Americans have quit their jobs. This is not great news for companies already scrambling to find qualified candidates. Let me tell you what I see in this shift.

Are you someone who people often bring their problems to? Do you find yourself spending a lot of time advising others on how to solve their problems? Do you find that with some of those people, no matter how many times you advise them or provide solutions, they show up again and again, stymied by the same challenge in a different situation?

The next time someone shows up seeking help, there is one thing you can ask that will propel them to gain deeper insight which leads to sustainable change.