For the majority of us who work with and on teams, authentic coaching skills are a necessity. More businesses than ever realize how critical coaching is to success. Yet the number of professionals who understand what authentic coaching truly is, remains quite low.

There are going to be times when you are faced with answering an unanswerable question. Maybe it is from one of your children, or a friend, a co-worker, a boss, or a direct report. This Navigating Challenging Dialogue® tool applies to any situation where you are faced with providing answers to a situation or question that you aren’t ready or equipped to answer.

My top tip for getting people to speak up in meetings is to increase your skillfulness as a facilitator who builds an emotionally safe and trustworthy environment for engagement. There are 5 important components that assist team members to participate in group dialogue. 

Coaching doesn’t always happen one to one. As a team leader, you can deploy group coaching to enhance and improve team outcomes. When you use coaching questions with a group, you are modeling the behavior you desire in others. Getting comfortable with using coaching takes nothing more than learning authentic coaching skills, self-awareness, practice, and self-reflection on which questions were generative and inspiring.

The term “managing up” has different meanings to many people. Most leaders tell me that they wish their staff were more skillful at managing up. Almost every leader tells their team that the skill of managing up is desirable. But in my experience, almost no one knows what exactly they are being asked to do. Many leaders don’t have the focus, time, or even skillfulness to communicate how you can best be helpful to them when it comes to managing up.

When you hear a peer struggling to solve a problem  or make a decision, you can simply ask, “Hey, I hear you are struggling with this. Would you like a little coaching to help uncover a path forward?” And then accept the answer. In a coach:coachee relationship, both participants are equal. You don’t have to be the guru or know all the answers. In coaching, the person receiving the coaching is the expert on themselves. They know what risks they are willing to take, what consequences they are open to (positive and negative), and what actions they are willing to take. 

With the help of a therapist, I started noticing when my thoughts were of lack or resentment, and then pausing to consider what I was grateful for within it all.  It was uncomfortable and unpleasant in the beginning. This intentional practice requires new neural pathways and patterns to be built, much like building a new road through uncharted territory. It just isn’t easy. Because this is an ongoing practice, this is the process I still follow.  

Chronic complainers are exhausting. They deplete the energy of everyone around them. The challenge is that they often don’t see themselves as complainers. But nevertheless, a chronic complainer must be dealt with before they bring down an entire team.

This week’s post is brief on purpose because I’m sharing a podcast interview that I think is important that we all listen to. The interviewee is Dr. Paul Conti, author of “Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic: How Trauma Works and How We Can Heal From It”.  Full disclosure, I’ve not read the book yet, but when the podcast was shared with me, I was enthralled with the words and wisdom of the Stanford-trained psychiatrist. His suggestions felt so relevant, important and doable. 

Are you an interrupter? I know I am. I get really excited about my own thoughts, the connections that I make between what someone else is saying and what I’m thinking. I love a fast-paced conversation where everyone is engaged and rifting off ideas.  But, guess what. That kind of energy doesn’t work for everyone and certainly doesn’t work in every situation. Often it is interpreted as taking up too much space in the conversation. Here’s what you can do instead.

When we are curious, we are better at assessing a situation, seeing what is really happening, coming up with better solutions using all available information, and retaining that learning to apply to the next situation. As you move into this holiday season, I encourage you to find opportunities to open yourself up to curiosity and wonder in your conversations.

It is the time of year when we, as a company, and me as an individual, reflect on the accomplishments of the year.  A few weeks ago, Beth Wonson & Company had our annual reflection and planning event. As we had dialogues, looked at numbers, talked about impact, and shared what work truly felt impactful, a theme emerged.

I’ve been reflecting on my own experience with NCD and realized that for me, the process and the practice continues to unfold. And every single day, I learn something new about myself, my emotional regulation and self-management, and how I stumble at times when I communicate. Particularly with loved ones and people close to me. NCD is not a one-and-done training, but an on-going practice. With intention and integration, the practice becomes part of your character and how others see and experience you. 

Today I’m sharing my takeaways and learnings from a few weeks of intense client work. I’m hoping that you may find them helpful as you navigate challenging dialogues! 

Today I want to give you some language to use when discussing the stages of change.

Once we have language to discuss these stages, we can be more vulnerable and transparent about what stage we are in. We can proceed through change with curiosity, empathy, and honesty. This will help us move through even the most difficult phases of change and growth in more healthy ways. The phrases I want to share today are: precontemplation, contemplation, determination, and action.

I already know that my clients, who are stressed, overworked, overwhelmed, and anxiety ridden, need to know that there is a fix. Let me tell you about The Nature Fix.

A board refresh session can help address any issues or challenges the board may be facing, such as disengagement, lack of new members, or the need for professional leadership. By bringing in an outside expert, your organization gets fresh perspectives and insights. I facilitate discussions and activities that encourage board members to reflect on their roles, responsibilities, and contributions. Together, we identify areas where the board can improve and provide guidance on how to effectively utilize the skills and expertise of its members.

If you recognize that venting has become a go-to strategy for stress relief, it is likely that relationships may be suffering along with your own wellness. As a leader, manager, or teammate, we each have a responsibility to notice the role of venting and do our best to shift it. Here are a few of my recommendations.

“But Beth,” you may be thinking, “if venting is a toxic, unproductive activity, why do I feel so much better after I vent?” Here is the tricky part. For a short period of time after you vent about something, you may feel a sensation of relief. But that relief is temporary and before long, you will feel compelled to vent again. 

It isn’t easy to engage with curiosity and empathy when you feel like your beliefs, values, freedoms, and future is at stake. I know this for a fact because, like you, I’m human. And as humans, our physiology is wired to drive us into protection mode when we feel threatened or at risk. So it takes intentionality and practice to be present with curiosity and empathy. Why is disagreement healthy?