Your Family Legacy: It's About Much More Than Wealth

I've always felt that Family Legacy wasn't a topic relevant to me because I thought it only applied to families with financial wealth.

I've learned that family legacy is about so much more.

About four years ago, I was asked to facilitate a day-long discussion with a family who runs a large business and owns significant property. Their children were starting their adult journeys, and the parents had a question: "Can you facilitate a healthy discussion on what the future looks like for us—both as a family and as a business—with adult children coming into their own?"

When I asked why this was important (and why now), they explained that everything was shifting as their eldest children graduated college and defined their own career paths. The parents wanted to gather everyone (family members and key long-term staff who were like family) in a room for an earnest, open discussion about:

• What were the adult children considering for their long-term goals?

• What were the parents hoping and dreaming the future might look like?

• How could they live and work together while maintaining healthy boundaries between work life and home life?

• What does it feel like and look like to be a family member coming into an established business with several valued employees who have more experience?

• How could they break through thoughts and desires left unspoken to avoid hurt feelings or disappointment?

• What unknowns hadn't been considered, and how could they prepare?

• What framework and norms would guide future uncomfortable conversations?

Since I was invited to do that work, word of mouth has spread, and I’ve had several other family units hire me for a similar experience. With each family, the circumstances were different. But the communication, skills, and facilitation were similar.

The Essence of Legacy

I define family legacy as what shapes your family values, how you live and treat others, your communication framework and norms, and everything you pass on that shapes the lives of those who come after you. In other words, family legacy is the sum total of what your family stands for, what you want to be known for, how you've lived, what you've learned, and what you want future generations to carry forward.

Legacy is less about what you leave to people and more about what lives in them as a result of being within the family.

Legacy Isn't Just for Families of Wealth

And it isn't just for traditional families. As you think about legacy, remember it's rich with meaning and substance. I’ve worked with businesses that consider themselves families and families who also happen to run businesses.

Here are some of the things that make up legacy:

Values and principles. How you treat others, what you stand for, your integrity, work ethic, commitment to education, faith or philosophy—these guide future generations through life's challenges.

Stories and history. The narrative of where your family came from, obstacles overcome, sacrifices made, moments of joy and triumph. These stories give descendants roots, resilience, and perspective. They answer: "Who am I and where do I come from?"

Cultural and family traditions. Recipes passed down through generations, how you celebrate holidays, rituals marking important moments, songs you sing, languages you speak. These create continuity and belonging.

Life lessons and wisdom. "This is how we survived hard times." "This is what matters when everything else falls away." "These are the times our family had to start over and rebuild." This practical wisdom about navigating life has immeasurable value.

Character and example. How you faced illness, handled disappointment, treated difficult people, showed up for community, persevered through hardship. Your example becomes a template for living with dignity and grace.

Relationships and connection. Strong family bonds, the priority of staying connected, the practice of showing up for each other. The legacy of "we take care of our own" is priceless.

Impact on others. The lives you touched, people you helped, difference you made in your community. Children who see parents live with generosity and service inherit a legacy of meaning.

Philanthropic vision. What causes matter to your family? How do you want to use resources to make a positive impact? What charitable legacy do you want to create?

Business succession and entrepreneurial spirit. For family businesses, legacy includes not just the enterprise itself but the innovation, risk-taking, and business acumen that created it.

The Communication Connection

Here's what connects everything: 

Legacy—whether material or intangible—only transfers when we are able to communicate - honestly, with integrity, empathy, and a focus on the good of the whole.

If you never share stories, your wisdom goes unheard. If a family never discusses values, the next generation must guess at them. If you never teach your skills, they die with you. The richness of non-material legacy requires intentional time for discussion and sharing.

Silence diminishes legacy. Hints, manipulation, and secrets certainly don’t foster the legacy you desire.

Defining Family

When I think of family, I think of a woman in her sixties with no children of her own but close friends and nieces and nephews she considers family. Or a couple with no children but long-term staff they care for like family and a business they’ve loved like a child. Or an extended family with children, grandchildren, in-laws, step-relatives, and close family friends.

You get to define family. And I can help facilitate deep conversations that define, clarify, and communicate legacy.

Here's what matters:

• Every family has a legacy worth preserving and sharing.

• Material wealth is just one possible component, not the defining one.

• The most enduring legacies are often immaterial.

• Legacy lives in people.

• Communication is essential to legacy transfer, regardless of wealth.

The family I introduced at the beginning wanted to ensure expectations were clear, they had a path forward, commitments would be made, and how they work with changes and surprises that come along the way. Most of all, their family relationships—more important than anything else—were preserved and strengthened through healthy communication.

We had a day filled with laughter, tears, surprise, clarifications, and steps for moving forward. Today the family legacy is strong, working together, enjoying life together, and maintaining the communication norms and boundaries they set. They have tools for communicating when challenges arise.

Why This Matters Now

Today, more than ever before, family units are weakening. Political disagreements, life choices, failing healthy, second or third marriages, decisions to have or not have children, and increasing mental health challenges are all bringing up conflicts that don’t get dealt with or discussed. Families are facing tough conversations about aging, care for family members with challenges, and how property and resources will be used and distributed. What does equity look like in our family? Do we believe in across-the-board fairness, or do we make shifts based on equity and need?

These are conversations that get avoided, swept under the rug, where side deals are made that cause anger and resentment. When families lack tools to bring discussions into the open, factions are created.

What I Know

I grew up in a large family with a large family business. We had some tough conversations but in hindsight, I realize that there were many direct conversations that we (and our legacy) would be more whole if we’d had them in the moment.

Since I worked with this family four years ago, I’ve facilitated several other family legacy conversations. And I love this precious and fragile work.

It is never too late and never too hard to have a family legacy facilitated conversation. Each family I've had the pleasure and honor to work with brings different things to the table—because every "family" is different.

At the end of our day together, everyone feels relief. A weight has been removed. A fog lifted. The gap between what people wonder about and what the family has agreed to is closed. Speculation, worry, and fear dissipate. People become less transactional and more substantive in their discussions. Joy is felt.

If your family unit—whatever that looks like—has unspokens that need discussing, is unclear on legacy or the glue that holds you together or has big decisions coming that could create disagreement and bad feelings, let's talk. Family legacy discussions are freeing and help families, businesses, and people retain what they value while moving forward with love and respect.

*I do not give legal, financial or medical advisement. Families often leave with a list of priorities for things they may need to consider. I have a list of trusted referrals if needed.