When we are curious, we are better at assessing a situation, seeing what is really happening, coming up with better solutions using all available information, and retaining that learning to apply to the next situation. As you move into this holiday season, I encourage you to find opportunities to open yourself up to curiosity and wonder in your conversations.

It is the time of year when we, as a company, and me as an individual, reflect on the accomplishments of the year.  A few weeks ago, Beth Wonson & Company had our annual reflection and planning event. As we had dialogues, looked at numbers, talked about impact, and shared what work truly felt impactful, a theme emerged.

I’ve been reflecting on my own experience with NCD and realized that for me, the process and the practice continues to unfold. And every single day, I learn something new about myself, my emotional regulation and self-management, and how I stumble at times when I communicate. Particularly with loved ones and people close to me. NCD is not a one-and-done training, but an on-going practice. With intention and integration, the practice becomes part of your character and how others see and experience you. 

Today I’m sharing my takeaways and learnings from a few weeks of intense client work. I’m hoping that you may find them helpful as you navigate challenging dialogues! 

Today I want to give you some language to use when discussing the stages of change.

Once we have language to discuss these stages, we can be more vulnerable and transparent about what stage we are in. We can proceed through change with curiosity, empathy, and honesty. This will help us move through even the most difficult phases of change and growth in more healthy ways. The phrases I want to share today are: precontemplation, contemplation, determination, and action.

I already know that my clients, who are stressed, overworked, overwhelmed, and anxiety ridden, need to know that there is a fix. Let me tell you about The Nature Fix.

A board refresh session can help address any issues or challenges the board may be facing, such as disengagement, lack of new members, or the need for professional leadership. By bringing in an outside expert, your organization gets fresh perspectives and insights. I facilitate discussions and activities that encourage board members to reflect on their roles, responsibilities, and contributions. Together, we identify areas where the board can improve and provide guidance on how to effectively utilize the skills and expertise of its members.

If you recognize that venting has become a go-to strategy for stress relief, it is likely that relationships may be suffering along with your own wellness. As a leader, manager, or teammate, we each have a responsibility to notice the role of venting and do our best to shift it. Here are a few of my recommendations.

“But Beth,” you may be thinking, “if venting is a toxic, unproductive activity, why do I feel so much better after I vent?” Here is the tricky part. For a short period of time after you vent about something, you may feel a sensation of relief. But that relief is temporary and before long, you will feel compelled to vent again. 

It isn’t easy to engage with curiosity and empathy when you feel like your beliefs, values, freedoms, and future is at stake. I know this for a fact because, like you, I’m human. And as humans, our physiology is wired to drive us into protection mode when we feel threatened or at risk. So it takes intentionality and practice to be present with curiosity and empathy. Why is disagreement healthy? 

Unspokens are your truths showing up as words, phrases, and fully formed thoughts but instead of speaking them aloud, you hold them in just keep thinking about them. Often, we hold onto them because we don’t want to upset or offend anyone, or we fear being vulnerable. However, when we withhold what we’re thinking, it festers. And within that festering, people experience emotional hotspots. 

The act of gossiping is a pretty neutral activity. It is the intention behind gossip that makes it a positive or negative. For instance, sometimes it is through gossip that communities are spurred into action to help out someone in need. Through gossip we can learn about ourselves, our values, and what choices or actions we might take. But when gossip is used to manipulate a situation or circumstances it can have a very negative impact on lives, relationships, and workplace culture.

Many people rise to leadership based on their ability to do the work of the organization well. The downfall of many organizations can be attributed to those same people not developing skillfulness in strategic dialogue. By teaching strategic dialogue skills, you are building an organization that will navigate change effectively, deal with challenges and adversity thoughtfully, and innovate in ways that support the mission. 

This is the final installment in the 3-part series, “Understanding and Transforming Negative Stories”. In week one we looked at the three classic stories: victim, villain, and hero. In week two I shared specific self-coaching steps to isolate and turn around your own negative stories as you experience them. In this installment you’ll learn to take positive action based on what you discovered doing the practice from last week.

This week you will learn how to recognize and isolate those stories within yourself. By asking yourself these self-coaching questions and reflecting on your answers, you can gain a better understanding of the stories you tell yourself and how they may be affecting your ability to take action and grow.

I believe that if you want to be in a healthy relationship (at work or home) that is mutually enriching while building trust and a deep connection sustained over time, it is essential to recognize negative stories. Learn to catch yourself, and stop relying on them to bring you out of discomfort. Real change comes when you choose to be empowered to use our own unique strengths, talents, and expertise.

Getting comfortable giving and receiving feedback is one of the most valuable endeavors you can undertake for success – not only in business, but in everyday life. Despite the value of feedback, we fail to spend time learning and practicing this incredible tool. Despite the value of effective feedback, it remains the most underutilized tool in the business world! This is because feedback is also the most misunderstood and ineffectively applied tool in the business world.

Founder’s Syndrome is a term to describe the difficulty organizations or companies face when the founder(s) strives to maintain control or a disproportionate amount of power and influence. Founder’s Syndrome can prevent an organization from growing and transforming when external factors and internal needs require it. The same characteristics that gave the founder the energy and focus to get the organization off the ground can also hold the organization back when Founder’s Syndrome is at its peak.

My personal definition of joy and abundance is the ability to feel the full range of my emotions and then, when I am ready, to bring myself back to center. This is not something I just knew how to do. I realized that the inability to feel my emotions and then come back to center had wasted a lot of time. And in some situations, it caused me to create drama and chaos in my life where it was unnecessary.

One-on-one check-in meetings are one of the most valuable ways a boss and employee can spend time together. However, often that time is wasted because there is no prep and planning. Without preparation, both parties are directionless. The meeting wanderers around but isn’t very productive.